People are no damn good! They aren't much fun. With most people if you say one thing they disagree with, they'll fall apart and hate you forever. I've been bullied most of my young life. No matter how nice I have tried to be towards people. I always get bullied, usually for no real reason. I try to be honest, as I like it better when people are honest to me. Even if it's criticism. I'm honest without being cruel. Or I used to be. Not so much anymore. The last turmoil I had with INXS fans that I thought were "friends" turned me hateful. It's funny that anonymous chick said the INXS fans are now disgusted at what I have become, considering they were the ones who caused me to become that disgusting person they hate so much now. When I was always nice to them, sharing pictures, videos and other things of INXS, they hated me. They never acted so much like they did, but I knew how to read between the lines. I tried to maintain a sense of civility with them. But it turned out my original instincts were right. They really did hate me. One person let it slip when she visited my blog once. I was not shocked, nor surprised, to hear that. Because deep inside, I was already aware of that. I just didn't want to be the first one to make the move and say or do anything that would cause them to show their hatred towards me. So, I kept up a cheerful and sweet disposition as long as I could. I knew the truth would come out eventually. And it did! It ALWAYS does! LOL! People can only pretend for so long.
Throughout my life, there have always been people who dislike me. I understand that. As long as they kept their distance from me, and didn't say anything, I was OK with them not liking me. I don't call that bullying. What is bullying is when they say they don't like me, but they won't leave me alone, or they do everything in their power to get my attention, even after they said they don't like me. And I cannot say I can't be accused of that myself, to a small degree, I don't harass them EVERY day!! And I would never physically harm anyone or anything. One example of bullying was this girl I knew when we were staying in Fircrest for a while. Her name was Deanna. We cliqued at first because we have the same first name. But when I visited her for the first time, it got sour quickly. The reason she didn't like me was understandable. She liked to play with dolls and I didn't. When a friend I had got curious why she didn't like me, she told her that I came to her house and was asking her mom for "this n that n this n that". The only thing I truly remember asking her mom for was a glass of water, and if she had any drawing paper. And I was thirsty! But then I thought "Oh well! Whatever!" and went on my merry way.
Deanna would not let things go though. She would constantly approach me every day and remind me that she hated me. I didn't mind her hating me so much. I got used to it. But she got a bit obsessive-compulsive about telling me! She even got physical toward the end of my stay in Fircrest. Well, somewhat. She had escalated from just telling me she hated me to actually destroying anything I was working on. She only got to do that once though. For some reason, I was playing in the sand, and I had made a little sand pile. As I was concentrating on that, I heard a mean, evil voice say from above my head "Oh you're making one of those things, are you?" I looked up and it was Deanna, standing there with a cast on her arm, and one of her friends standing beside her. She had this angry look on her face, and I'd swear she was foaming at the mouth! Then, with a mighty kick of one foot, she knocked down my sand pile saying "Now you've got nothing!" I was angry. I did the only thing I knew how to do then, I started crying from frustration and asking "Is she ever going to leave me alone?" My crying caught the attention of some much older kids nearby, and they caught Deanna. They threatened to kick her butt if she did not apologize to me. At first, Deanna refused. Then the kids all gathered around her and began kicking her butt until soon, Deanna was on the ground, crying. They even asked me if I wanted to kick her butt too. But I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to hurt Deanna--I think I kinda felt sorry for her being she had a broken arm--I just wanted her to leave me alone. From that day on, she did leave me alone.
She still hated me, but at least she left me alone after that. By the time my father had moved us to Lakewood later that year, I was so disillusioned with the whole making friends and losing them thing that I didn't even try to make friends in this new school. In fact, for the first 2 weeks I was at this new school, I stayed hidden in this big cluster of bushes that were up against one of the buildings. I just figured what was the point in trying to make friends here? We'll just have to move away again and I'll have to leave all of them behind. I had a LOT of friends when we lived in Fircrest. I had Brownie troups, Girl Scouts, after school activities where I could meet up with all my friends. The only contender I had to deal with in Fircrest was Deanna. I had to leave that all behind when my dad moved us to Lakewood. From the first moment we moved there, I was completely uncomfortable. I felt out of place. I was miserable. And that feeling persisted all the way until we moved out 22 years later. I said I am NEVER moving back to this town again! No matter how hard things would get in my life. The people there in Lakewood were just plain crazy!!! My ma once told me it was because most of them moved there from California. I'm not saying everyone there was crazy. But the best of the best ones died within 5 years of us moving there.
I remember my 3rd grade class there in Lakewood. The kids in that area were nowhere near as compassionate as the kids in Fircrest were. Remember when I was harassed by Deanna and started crying, and those older kids came to my rescue? When I went to that school in Lakewood, the kids there would push me to the ground, and then I'd start crying and they'd point and laugh at me. Often, they would tell the adults in charge that they didn't do anything and that I just saw them and started crying. When one girl named Sandy said to me "Nobody likes you in this class!" I was again not shocked, nor surprised. I was really not even trying to make friends at this school. My shyness was often mistaken for slowness. I always got from the other kids "Is your sister retarded?" When I first moved there, I didn't even know what "retarded" means. I'd never heard that word before. Not even from older kids back in my other schools. I asked my ma what it meant and she told me nothing good. The only thing those kids had to go by to give them some kind of idea my sis is retarded was that she wanted to meet some of the neighborhood kids there by inviting them to a slumber party. I'm not sure how a simple invitation to get to know people would translate to those loonies as being "retarded". But I guess that is what goes on in the minds of Californians.
One big thing I've noticed over the years; people who look evil generally are evil. I remember when I was in Middle school there in Lakewood, there was a boy named Simon. I don't remember his last name, but I do remember he was a fat boy (fatter than I was back then) with medium-length blond hair. He was only there at that school for my first year. After that year ended, I never saw him again. I only had him in one class, and that was my PE class. It was more than enough. I tried being nice to him at first, because it was just my thing to be nice to everyone. But he was just mean-spirited. I don't think he had many friends. I never saw him crack a smile, and when he tried, his smile still looked like an evil grin. The one thing I most remember about him was his cold, dead, steel-blue eyes. I remember one time he caught me glancing at him as I was reading, and he looked up at me and asked very rudely, "What are you looking at?" I was reading a book, and he just happened to come into my field of vision. I looked for a bit yes, but only to see if what was crawling around me was a person or a pig. But then my eyes went back to my book once I was sure what I was seeing. Then Simon walks away and says "You'd better stop looking at me!" And I had to look at him again to hear what he's saying! LOL! Believe me, he was not a pleasant sight! I'd even go so far as to say he was downright HOMELY! I could not get over how evil his face looked! He'd make Godfrey Baguma look like Regé-Jean Page. If Simon were in school today, I'd definitely peg him as the type to perform a school shooting. In fact, if he's not already, I'm sure he spent a great deal of time in prison.
He didn't like me looking at him, for whatever crazy reason went through his mind. But I would very often catch him looking right at me when I walked anywhere near where he was. So, I don't understand what his point was telling me I'd better stop looking at him. I never did so voluntarily. Like I said, he was no porcelain doll!
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