I saved that one yesterday especially for them. And I should not be posting this post, but I want to have at least one last say here. Thanks to Katrina and her husband for giving me some solace, and helping to bring me back almost to the person I was before. I love you two forever! I may also lose more friends on Facebook now because of this post, but I do not care anymore. And I am not writing this to get sympathy nor nothing like that. I do not even expect to change peoples' opinions about me, nor will I even try to make them understand. In fact, I'm sure this is just going to make them hate me even more, because nothing can change a blind sheep. I just feel like I am not going to feel better myself until I get this out. But beware! I am going to name names!! I have to. Apparently, when I do not name names, people get confused. I want to say now, I have nothing personal against these people, I do not hate them, I do not even dislike them nor disrespect them, even though they may hate me now. But I do not dislike them because if I were in their position, I probably would have felt the same way they do about me. If I didn't know me better. I want to say this one last thing and then I will drop this subject completely.
Two months ago Monday, I lost my father after a brief battle with cancer. I have been on an emotional roller coaster ever since. I go through different phases of grief. I may seem bright and cheery one day, and then the next day, I can be in a total slump. I even went through a couple of weeks where I was nothing but cheerful. I thought the grieving was over with. I thought to myself "That was brief!" But one thing was I could not even bring myself to say the word "cancer". It was like when Hutchess died, I couldn't even say her name for a long time. Whenever I talked about her, I always just referred to her as "the dog I had that died of parvo". But I could not not say "Dad", or "pa". But I could bring myself to not say the word "cancer". I had let the word pretty much slip through my daily existence there for a while. But I still wanted it eradicated!! Over these past 2 months, I have had one other friend contact cancer, named Anna May, and is now battling it, but I have cried for her numerous times, and prayed for her as well. I have another friend named Paula who lost her husband to cancer 3 years ago. I've cried with her over her husband as well. A man I don't even know and never met, but I cried because cancer is an evil killer and I want it gone before it takes anyone else. And I feel for Paula, I feel her loss. And I wish there was a way I could bring back her husband to her, but I can't. And I feel powerless because of it. Just as powerless as I felt seeing my dad suffer in a hospital bed. A strong man, who went on 5-mile long walks daily even after his first rounds of chemo, go from being super-strong to being a vegetable in only a matter of a few month. The number of months a person can count on the fingers of one hand!
But Monday morning, the word entered my mind again, with the news of someone else who is popular in the INXS community, named Kelly P, had also contracted cancer. I was first contacted about her on Sunday afternoon by a friend, but she did not tell me Kelly had cancer. She just informed me she was ill. Yet a post that I wrote on Saturday morning caused an uproar in the INXS community, because it was about someone else I once knew getting sick and in the hospital last Friday night. That person is OK now, as I understand it and went home fine on Tuesday. But she did not have cancer. Not at all, and I have tried to explain that but nobody listens. Everyone thought, because it happened at around the same time, that I was talking about Kelly. Maybe to them, somehow, I must have predicted she was ill? Maybe in a dream? Highly unlikely. I don't dream about people I don't know. Maybe I unknowingly "liked" a post on facebook by a friend that talked about her? If I did, I do not remember. And a lot of times, when I scan Facebook, I am on my newsfeed page going down, fast as lightening clicking "like" on everything without barely reading it. But I click "like" sometimes just to let my friends know "Hey! I'm still alive and kicking!" Especially on days when I am doing something else, or if I am watching a movie or a TV show, or YouTube and scanning through Facebook at the same time. It doesn't always mean I see every bit that is posted. And I would think I'd remember it if someone mentioned "cancer" in their post. Especially since it has deeply impacted my life recently. That is often how I will scan my newsfeed. And I almost NEVER click on peoples' names or visit their Facebook pages. So, if it does not show up on my newsfeed, it most likely won't be seen by me! And remember, Kelly P. also has me on ignore, and has had ever since I lived at the shelter, which was in August. I got back online, looked in the group she and I shared, and I could not see her posts anymore. So, I had absolutely NO WAY of knowing she is battling cancer!!!
Over the past week, I have been accused of "laughing at cancer", when anyone who actually knows me would tell you the opposite is true. Katrina was here with me when I suffered with the loss of my dad. She saw how anguished I was. She was 8 months pregnant, but she gathered enough energy to drive down here and comfort me in my time of loss. She took a day off work, very hard work, to be with me when I needed someone physically here. My facebook friends have been super, don't get me wrong. But having someone here to actually hold my hand, stroke my hair, and for me to lean on was golden to me. I was doing a lot better for a while until this week, when the word "cancer" entered my ears again. And to have people say that I am making fun of cancer, well, all I can say about those people now is that they are STUPID!!!!! Yes, you heard me right!!! I am calling them all STUPID!!!!! ALL these former "friends". Because I just lost my father to cancer!!! They knew it too! Why in the world would I laugh about someone else having it?! When I heard the news finally about Kelly P, and no one may know this or even believe it, but I cried!! I actually cried for Kelly! Someone I do not know, and do not even really like, but I did cry! And I don't give a shit if the stupid-ass trolls believe me or not, but I cried because I feel powerless. I cried for Kelly's family. I cried for her, because I want her to get better! I don't want to see another person suffer with cancer!! I may hate people, but all I can think of when I hear the word "cancer" is what my pa went through, and how I hate the thought of seeing anyone else, whether I like them or not, go through the same thing!! Shoot! I even cried a little for Georgia when she told me she lost her Aunty and a best friend to cancer. NO ONE should lose ANYONE to cancer!!!!!!! I never believed they should!!!
I want to show you all what I mean. This is the post I made after I got home from Arizona:
The reason I am showing this is because these people know better than to think such a thing! Yet they played the "follow the leader" game and unfriended and/or blocked me. The only one who contacted me was Rosanda, GOD bless her! But again, she did not listen when I tried to explain. She just believed what everyone else now believes. But if I really did think cancer was a joke, do you really think I would have had a profile pic like this made?
That's me and my pa. Well, of course I blotted out our faces. LOL! I did that for both my pa, and for Anna May. But if these people were smart, or at least had one iota of common sense, they would have put 2 and 2 together and said "wait a minute! Dee just lost her father to cancer. Why would she make light of it if someone else has it?" and contacted me and at least let me try to explain. But they didn't. These people again, followed the blind sheep herd:
Maybe they believe now that my reactions to these people were phony. But they'd be wrong. I'd never make light of cancer. Not intentionally. The fact that I made that post on Saturday and Kelly P. got ill was a coincidental accident. But I think these people would not even believe that either!! Because they are blind sheep, once again, who would listen to no one but another blind sheep! A sheep who does not have all the facts. That's why I want to write this post today!! Well, Rita Love would not believe anything anyways, she's a dumbass teenager who is just pissed because I will not believe her when she says something so far out as she is going to marry Timmy. But she's lied to me once, and she admitted it to me that she lied to me about her age. And like Judge Judy says, you lie to me once, that sets the stage in my mind that you are going to lie to me again. But this post is not just about her. It's about all these people who apparently lack simple common sense.
Like I said, I have NOTHING against these people. NOTHING!!! I do think they are acting like dumbasses now, but I have not lost all my respect for them. But understand this; I was NOT making fun of cancer!!!! For the trillionth (and hopefully the LAST) time!!!!!! What the fuck else do these people want?! I am putting it in writing! I have explained the situation now in FULL detail! What else do I have to say?!
I would go even farther than that. What I would love to do to each one of these people is take them all to a theater room, strap them to the chairs, and make them look at pictures of me and my sister and stepmother anguishing over my father when he died for 24 hours straight! I would blast the sounds of our crying over loud speakers into their ears for those 24 hours! Crying we all did when my dad died!!! I would get up in front of them, and flash pictures of my dad in happier days right in front of their faces, telling them what a wonderful, caring person he was, and I would hope I would shed some more tears, just so they could see how much in pain I've been! Then I would flash the pictures I took of me and my sister at our dad's side as he was dying and I would MAKE them look and see the anguish in our eyes!!! THEN, I would tell them to say it to my face once again, that I think cancer is a joke!!!!!
If I thought it would help Kelly P, Anna May and everyone else battling cancer now to get better, I would strip each one of these former friends bare naked, bend down and kiss each one of their naked asses, one by one!!! If I thought it would bring back the people we have all lost to cancer, I would give up my INXS fanhood for life!! If I thought it would completely eliminate cancer from this earth, I would lick each one of these womens' clits without hesitation!!! You want me to go further? I will. But what good would it do? I just wanted to write this to get this out there. People are the dumbest creatures on the planet! They never listen!! Thank you again to Katrina and her husband for everything you've done! And to you former "friends"; PLEASE do everyone a favor, NEVER become a judge or jury! You are lousy at listening and getting facts! You'd convict an innocent man to the electric chair without hearing what he has to say!!
Oh yes! One more thing; Don't any of you try to hit me with that "slander" bullshit!!! I have a perfect reason to believe what I do!! You all accused me of thinking cancer is a joke and you are a bunch of damn FOOLS if you truly believe that!! What you all said was slanderous. Not me! Not to mention, it's STUPID!!!! I just wanted to say that again.
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